I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
