why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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