a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
