Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
