walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
