3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
