Are we in a gay sports bar?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
