wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
