Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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