Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
