That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
sarcasm needs its own font
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
