He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
