He asked to "fluff my boner.."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
