would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize