My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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