Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
