umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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