My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize