if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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