have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
