If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
