i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
