i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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