just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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