I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
