Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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