I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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