i don't like sucking hair
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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