My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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