please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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