Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
