Christians are straight up FREAKS
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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