Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
