I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
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I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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