no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She bit a glass in half.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
