How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
