I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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