My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
