I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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