the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
