the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i think i just lost a toe
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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