that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
