so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I want a musical about memes.
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