I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize