So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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