I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
