There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
