Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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