How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just want nice things and good sex
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
