Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Randomize
