im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
