I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
