Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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