Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
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I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My life is pants optional.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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