I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
