Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
