why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
