I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My dick has a subreddit
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
