she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
