Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
