Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
