don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
