I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
