Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
